Coffee with All4Cure - Mary

The best piece of advice I’ve heard was something that came about through many years, about ten years with my late husband who was in the process of dying from liposarcoma. 'We are willows...we bend.' It was something that after he passed away I shared with my sons. The premise is that a willow tree is well-rooted in the ground and we had a willow tree in our backyard. I would take the boys out there and say, 'That’s us. We are strong, formidable. We bend with the wind, and we are anchored well.' I helped my late husband build the home that we’re living in and that’s where one of my sons just got married, in our backyard. It came full circle when my son and his future wife repeated that advice to me. It was interesting to hear that come back to me, almost like a boomerang. Like, 'Oh my God, they listened!' I can’t go backwards, and I cannot be twenty. I’m not sure I want to be. I was a different person at twenty. And if I were that person now, I certainly would be more physically active, I’d be more physically healthy. But that’s not the game. The game is to recognize where you are, remember where you came from, and to map out the best you can where you are going. I have a lot of passion for my yard and seeing it expand and grow in color and health--it’s really indicative of yourself. If my yard is doing well, then I’m doing well. I wasn’t allowed to touch my yard for a year following my stem cell transplant. But I had help, and it was really gratifying to see things bloom and live and thrive and to watch the yard transform and to see the left side talk to the right side. It was a very feng shui kind of thing. To see that happen was something I hadn’t enjoyed in a long time. I think we can never go backwards but we certainly can influence the present which will make the future look different. That’s what I call the gift of cancer!

My biggest influence would have been my mom, she’s passed. Presently it’s actually my family. They put up with me, so that’s pretty influential. I see the strength I need in them. The daily being of getting through, pulling themselves through the eye of the needle. I mean, that’s pretty commendable. It’s pretty impressive. People need to know it's possible. With good faith, strong family, and perseverance, anything is possible and I think people need to remember that. My son who, in spite of everything else, did get married and went through a lot of things. Through the help of others around him, he recognized that the best path was this path. I just watch them go through life now. And I remember a lot of things that I did that perhaps influenced other people. So now people get to influence me.